Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
