Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
