I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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