Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I need water and some morals
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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