I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
