The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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