dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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