i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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