We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
