Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
