Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
