I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
