My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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