it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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