Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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