I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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