if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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