Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
