Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
