She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
