At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
