I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
