I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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