So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
