$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
