Michael Bay diarrhea
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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