I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
