My friends, they love my intelligence
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
