Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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