I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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