WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
