So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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