Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
there's paper in my vomit.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Randomize
