I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I am midnight drunk by noon
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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