i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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