I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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