on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
