Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
