I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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