Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
