i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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