U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
