Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I did not marry a roomba.
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