I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
