seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
