Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
