My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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