he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
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