I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
