My room smells like vodka and shame
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
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