Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
