When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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