"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i just made my gag reflex go away.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
